Spirit Killer

darkOne day you wake up just like every other day…
The day goes by and takes a turn for the worst.
Here you are thinking you are doing a fantastic job with yourself and all things that surround you.
You thought wrong.
You ain’t shit!
You’re not as good as you thought you were if ever!
You lack in more places than you thought!
You aren’t good enough and never will be!

Where do you get such an idea?
From the very person you thought you would never hear those words from…
Your partner, your lover, your best friend….
Or so you thought.

This person isn’t who you thought them to be…

I am so extremely and utterly heart broken from the news…bh
My spirit has been broken…
I don’t have the energy for much…
But I do know this…
I am trying my best and doing the best I can to achieve greatness and sometimes that isn’t enough for anyone.

That isn’t going to stop me from running to my goals…
It just dimmed the fire that I had in my soul and now I am lost in the dark…not knowing which way to turn.

It’s a shame when things don’t workout the way you want them to.

But ask your self…do you really want a fire fighter at your bonfire?

Childhood Trauma Regurgitation

owlWhen you are trying to be a better person but somehow life grabs you by the balls and says..”Fuck you and your positivity”

“Do you remember when this happened to you???”

“You never expressed your emotions so I feel like doing it now!”

Really??? you want to do this now?!

“Yes…I want to do it now. ”

“So…the idea is the only way for you to grow is to is to go through hell and fury to get through the hurt. Let yourself feel the pain and sadness that you didn’t let yourself feel.”

I really don’t want to tho..I mean come on…How long do I have to go through this?

“As long as it takes for you to live a full happy fulfilling life that you have not let yourself live since you lost your childhood…I mean…What childhood???”

Do you ever feel so exhausted that all you want to do is lay in bed all day? or Maybe for a Month?

I know what your thinking that isn’t life..that is not living…

Yes! that’s true and this is why I do not let myself do it. there is a word for that… you are thinking to yourself..Its depression… I know what it is..I have struggled with it all my life and I am not going to keep letting it take over me anymore.

I am on a journey…a journey to a better me…

A few months ago I was so so happy on focusing on the good and joys that life brings.

but right now I am at a low point where I really don’t feel like doing the work to better myself. but this is also part of the journey.

I will get through this just like everything else…I will have good time and bad times…

If you love me..you will love me as I am.

That’s all.