What do you do when you dont know what tge fuck to do???
Things have gotten crazy…
A person i thkight i would spenft the rest of my life with isnt around around any more…why???
Adulting i guess….
My mind a fog
My heart hurt
My thoughts a jumbled up mess
The question i ask my self constantly…
What am i goibf to do???
Where am i going??
Tomorrow these thoughts may be gone but right now they haunt me… 😩
How can you be a positive person when all of humanity has shown you there is nothing to be positive about?
There are bombings everywhere, children dying by our government or by hunger.
A place where recording someone getting shot or beaten to death is rewarded by playing it over and over again on mass media.
How am I supposed to be positive?
My mind lives in the negative…growing up as a little one a mere 3 yrs old is when I learned I needed to protect myself from the monsters who lived all around me.
I know something wrong can happen at anytime.
In the past few month’s I have tried to live in the positive and accept and rejoice in my little victories and not let the negativity get the best of me. But I always seem to find myself in this negative state of mind.
I try to shake it off but somedays it wins.
When your life has been nothing short of an Oscar winning performance it’s extremely hard to live in the positive. With the grace of God, the universe or w.e I will keep moving forward in this ww3esque journey to positivity.
I really hope that I will be the victor here and not the negativity that has had a hold of me all my life.
I have never known what it was like to love completely and totally.. Well I have once in my life and it was ripped away from me.
It tore my heart out of my body, and my soul was dormant.
Made me live in fear of loving like that again.
I was cautious when the right love came around…I thought it was too good to be true…
So what did I do? I pushed it as far away as I could..Kept resisting… pushed it so far until it was out of my life.
It was then I realized there was something wrong…. I was pushing away a love because of a ghost..Someone and something that will never ever come back. but was afraid of losing him like I lost my love before…
Living in fear! Living and not living at the same time.
Wanting to be loved but not loving whole hardheartedly….
What I have learned from this horrid experience is that when you love it is without condition.
When I lost my love for the second time I was determined in working on the self and loving myself as hard as I needed to… I loved myself above all!
I wanted my Love back! I wanted him by my side… I wanted him to show him how much love I had within me to give.I deserved it and so did he! He deserved to be loved by me without limits.
This is a new love…A love I have never felt before…I’m more mature… I’m more open to receiving love and giving love!
You deserve all the love in the world after all the hell I have put you through… I have dedicated my whole heart, body &soul to you!
This love I feel is limitless and will continue to grow as time goes on!
It feels good to finally live the life I deserve! To love without fear! To love without condition!
I thank you for showing me what it is to truly Love again!
I love you!